


My promise

by Mei_Esterel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mei_Esterel/pseuds/Mei_Esterel
Summary: What if your mom gave you a promise but didn't keep it.What if she left you all alone without anything to live for.What if the promise said you would be okay but you couldn't believe it....And what if suddenly the promise became reality when a certain person was around.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Nishinoya Yuu, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru & Sugawara Koushi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you if you decided to read this story. This chapter is the beginning so there isn't anything about the main characters yet. You will see what I mean when you read it. I also published this story on wattpad so if you'd rather read it there, you can. my @ is also Mei_Esterel.  
> I also wanted to apologize in advance for any mistakes. English is not my first language so I still make a lot of mistakes and don't even realise it. 
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this story.♥
> 
> Mei_Esterel

My mom used to tell me that even when you are feeling down, there is always somebody who will help you and make you feel better. It doesn't matter if it's a family member, friend, lover or somebody else who you love. There is always somebody who will lift you up if you fall and that's a promise. It wasn't just any promise, it was HER promise and because of that I never considered she could be lying.

The last time she said this to me was when I was 15, struggling at school. That was 3 years ago but I never even considered forgetting or doubting her promise. Let's just say that I was stupid. Stupid for believing her and not ending my life at the age of fifteen. The only reason I didn't do it was because of her, my beautiful and loving mother. I would never imagine that the person I was laughing with not even 24 hours ago would be lying dead in our living room this morning. Unfortunately, that's exactly what's happening right now. I'm standing in our living room, tears streaming down my face and paramedics running past me, shouting some words that don't make any sense to me.

You may be asking, „where is your dad?" The truth is, I've never met my dad. My mom used to tell me stories about him when I was a kid but not anymore. It's not like there is something more to tell either. My dad was something you would call a „fuck boy". He was popular and girls loved him. Basically everybody loved him. Including my mom. She showed me some photos from her school years and when she met my dad. She always knew who he was since he was the most popular guy at their school, but she tried to avoid him as much as it was possible. In the middle of their senior year she, and I quote „couldn't deny her feelings anymore" and they started dating. To this day I still can't believe that she seriously thought that someone who was partying and fucking different girls every day could change into a loving and loyal boyfriend. At the beginning it was a fairy tale relationship but as you know, no happiness lasts forever. After school they bought a house and started living together. They've been living together for about 8 months when suddenly everything went to shit. Dad started drinking and coming back from work really late and there was also this little issue. The little issue called Koushi Sugawara alias me. That's right, my mom was pregnant. When she found out she was really scared but happy at the same time. She thought that it couldn't be bad since she had a nice house, loving boyfriend and a well-paid job. What else could she wish for, right? A better boyfriend. It was once again when my dad came home really late. She was waiting for him at the couch in their living room, pregnancy test wrapped in a small gift box that was placed on the coffee table in front of her. She was shaking with excitement while she was waiting for him to finally open the front door. After a while my dad arrived, unlocking the front door and going straight to the living room. He jumped a little when he saw my mom sitting there but when he saw a smile on her face, he calmed down again. She said they talked about work and other stuff and after few minutes she gave him the little gift box so he could unwrap it. When he finally did as he was told there was silence. My mom was standing in front of him, smiling and waiting for his response but there was none. He just looked at her, threw the pregnancy test on the ground and left the house. My mom, who was now crying and shaking picked it up and held it in her hands. She was trying to convince herself that it was going to be okay, that my dad was just shocked and needed some fresh air and that tomorrow she's going to wake up and her loving boyfriend will take her into his arms, kiss her and say that he is really happy and excited to be a dad.

I think we all know that none of that happened. The next morning a moving truck pulled into their driveway and my dad came into the house with a bunch of movers. My mom was just standing there with her mouth wide open, unable to say a word. With the help of the movers, he picked up his stuff and left the house. And that's exactly the last time my mom saw him. He disappeared from her life without any word about her pregnancy, but I think everybody knows what he was thinking. He was still the same selfish, cheating asshole and the idea of becoming a father disgusted him.

You may be wondering why am I telling you this and why am I currently standing in our house with tears streaming down my face. That's because my mom broke her promise. The promise that even when you are feeling down, there is always somebody who will help you and make you feel better. It doesn't matter if it's a family member, friend, lover or somebody else who you love. There is always somebody who will lift you up if you fall and that's a promise. She broke the promise when she decided to take her own life and leave me in this cruel world on my own. She left me with no family or friends who will help me and support me. It's just me.

My name is Koushi Sugawara and this is my promise...


	2. All alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos on the previous chapter, it means a lot.  
> Hope you enjoy this one as well even though it's really short. I'm also working on the third chapter right now, but I want to make sure I don't write anything stupid because it's much longer.  
> Hope you have a great day and stay safe!
> 
> Mei_Esterel

I still can’t believe it. Yesterday we went shopping together, we were talking about our plans for the weekend and laughing about every little thing that came to our mind, but now? Now she’s gone. She’s gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Why would she tell me all the plans if she was going to kill herself? Was that just another promise that she was going to break? I don’t get it. Why would she leave me alone in this world and most importantly, why would she break her promise that was so important to both of us?

The paramedics finally stopped running around, shouting and simply walked out the door. They walked out the door, talking to each other like nothing happened. One of them stopped in our living room door frame. I knew he was staring at me. I could basically feel his eyes burning a hole into my back but that still wasn’t enough to make me turn around from the horrible scene in front of me and look at him. 

„The police is on their way so you should prepare for that“ he said it like he was telling me today’s weather. I didn’t move an inch. I couldn’t care less about them and the police, it’s not like I could tell them what happened. I was the most shocked and confused one in here. „Just wanted to tell you. Also, you should probably go change and stop looking at the spot. It’s gonna make you feel worse.“ He spat out. This one sentence made me turn around and stare at him with so much anger. I was preparing myself to shout at him, but he just turned around and followed the other paramedics, leaving me all alone. How can some people be so heartless, especially paramedics. Aren’t they supposed to calm you down and tell you that everything is going to be okay? Such a cliché I know, but sometimes it’s better than nothing.

I just lost the most important person in my life and what did I get from them? Lesson about how I should go and change my bloody t-shirt and stop looking at the spot where my mom was lying few minutes ago. Thanks a lot. I chuckled at their absurdness and tried to wipe the tears that were still falling from my eyes. 

I feel like I’m going crazy. I should be sitting on the ground, screaming and crying my eyes out but besides the tears, nothing is happening. After a while I had nothing to cry anymore so I just continued standing there, staring at the same spot over and over again. The only difference is that know I wasn’t crying. I just stood there without any movement.

I heard police cars pulling over in front of our house but that made no difference. I couldn’t care less about the police right now. The only thing I cared about was my mom and the empty feeling inside my chest that was left there ever since I found her. I just couldn’t feel anything anymore.

The last thing I remember is the police officers walking towards me. I know that they were saying something because their mouths were moving but suddenly, I just felt so tired and I couldn’t hear anything other than the loud noise in my ears. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I just left. I ran out of the house and went straight to my and my mom’s favourite place. That was the only place where I could find comfort from now on. The only place where I felt like she was still with me.


	3. An unbreakable promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thank you so much to everybody who's reading this and also thank you for the votes, it actually means a lot. Also, I'm sorry it took me a long time to write this part but you know it, school and other stuff. Right now I'm also writing the fourth part and it's almost done so I hope that I'm gonna be able to finish it this week. English is not my first language so I'm sorry if I make mistakes.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this new part. Have a nice week and stay safe.
> 
> Mei_Esterel

You know that feeling when you really want to cry but you just can’t, because no tears will come out? That’s exactly what’s happening right now.

It’s been a week since my mother committed suicide and I still feel like shit. I know that it’s time for me to man up and carry on with my life, but I just can’t. I can’t believe she ended her life like that. For 18 years, we spent every single day together. It was always just the two of us and you know what? It may not sound like a perfect life, but it was perfect for us. I never met my dad and I never felt the need to meet him. It was his choice to leave my mom like that, so why should I want to meet the person who hurt the most important person in my life. 

There were times when I was really curious and would ask my mom about him but that’s it. It’s not like there was much to tell anyways. They spent few years together and then he left. Not a great story to tell, right? I know that there are a lot of people who had similar problems with their dad and after things settled down a little, they once again became a big and happy family, but I think that everybody knows, that’s not my case. My relationship with my mom was always great and as you can tell, I didn’t need my dad for the past eighteen years and I definitely don’t need him now.

I know that there were times when I doubted that my mom loved me, but deep down I always knew she did. Every time I needed something, she would try to help me. Every time I felt lonely, she would take me out to get ice cream, played some games with me or just talked with me for hours. It may be weird for a 18-year-old boy to say that but she truly was more than a mother to me. She was also my best friend and basically the only friend I’ve ever had. And now? Now you’re telling me that she’s gone and I would never see her again? You’re telling me that I lost my amazing mother and best friend? That the feeling of loneliness’s gonna come and stop by again but this time there would be no one to reassure me that I’m not alone? Because if yes, then I don’t think I will be able to handle it…

Also, you may be wondering what happened to the police investigation. The truth is, I don’t know. The last time I saw them was THAT day, but I simply ran away to avoid talking to them. Since that day I didn’t receive any information from the hospital nor the police. On the other hand, I’m kinda glad that I don’t have to speak with them about my mom, because I know that I would just end up running away again. They would just ask me some stupid questions about my mom and the usual „How are you feeling?“ or „Do you want to talk about it?“ The answer would be no, so why bother coming here, right? I CAN’T AND DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS TO ANYBODY EVER AGAIN. You gave me a promise, mom? Well then this is MY PROMISE, but unlike you, I’m actually going to keep it.

I don’t know why it makes me so mad and sad at the same time. Maybe it’s because her promise was something really important to me and now she broke it and it hurts. Everything hurts so bad and there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I could just go back in time and talk to her, ask her if she is alright and help her. It's been just a week but I already miss her so bad.

When I finally snapped out of my thoughts, I realised that it’s Monday which means that I have to get up and sadly go back to school. I wiped off the single tear that escaped my eye and glanced at my alarm clock. It was currently 7 in the morning, meaning that I had 20 minutes to get ready and leave. I got up from my bed and looked out from the small window that was above my desk. I could see that it was still a little dark outside. I yawned and wished that I could just go back to bed and sleep forever, maybe I could reunite with my mom and we could be happy again. Or should I say finally?

Don’t get me wrong, like I said earlier, we had a great relationship and thanks to her I had and amazing childhood and early adulthood, but I just now realise that she must’ve been feeling horrible. She did everything she could for me but there was nobody who could help her and love her in the way she needed it. I really loved my mom and I still do, but it took me some time to even realise what she’s been through and how strong she actually is. However, sometimes even the strongest people lose their battles and unfortunately, she was one of them.

Ugh, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters now when she’s gone. When I think about it, it’s kind of good that I don’t have any friends or family, because thanks to that, I don’t have to tell anybody about my mom’s suicide. I chuckled ironically and a quiet „I’m basically left alone to survive in this disgusting world. That’s gonna be so much fun.“ left my mouth. After a minute, I calmed down and sighed while going straight to my bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the broken mirror and mumbled „I look like shit“. 

Bloodshot eyes with dark bags underneath them and hair that definitely haven’t seen a hairbrush in a while, super cute, right? I shook my head and ran my fingers through my grey hair. When I was in middle school, kids used to laugh at me, saying I look like and old man. It was really annoying and hurtful at the time and I remember I even considered dying my hair black but I’m so glad I didn’t do it. It’s not like people started loving me and stopped making fun of me, it’s just that I don’t care anymore. After my first attempt I learned how to ignore them and it’s working really good so far. Yes, there’ve been times when as soon as I came home, I would break down in tears, but it got better. Well, it was better, before the last week incident happened.

When I calmed down a little, I washed my face with cold water and tried to brush my hair. After that I went back to my room, grabbed a dark blue hoodie and black skinny jeans from my closet and quickly put it on. I then grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. My eyes darted towards the kitchen, but I just shook my head, put my shoes on and walked out of the house. 

I have to start looking for a job. My mom was a nurse at the nearby hospital, so her income wasn’t bad. We never struggled with money so to this day I had no idea how it felt to be scared that you might lose your house or won’t have enough food or water. Now, I don’t have any money, any food and I live in a fear that somebody’s going to realise that I haven’t paid the bills. I can’t lose this house. Not only because I would be homeless but also because it was my mom’s house. The house where she found out the was pregnant, the house where she raised me and gave me the best childhood and also the house where she ended her life. Unfortunately, not everything about this house is a happy memory but I’m trying not to think about it right now. With that thought I grabbed my earphones and put them in my ears. I clicked on my playlist and just listened to the music, while walking towards the hell house.


	4. First meeting

I'm currently in my third year so next year I'm finally graduating. I hate this school. I hate every school but especially mine since you know, I have to go there. School full of girls and boys that go around fucking different people every day. „That kinda reminds me of somebody." I mumbled and an ironic chuckle escaped my mouth. I still don't understand how they manage to pass their classes, but to be honest, maybe it's better if I don't know it.

Like every school, the mine also has this popular, handsome guy that everybody loves. In our school it's a volleyball captain Tooru Oikawa. I'm not gonna lie, he is pretty handsome and has a nice smile but that's about it. Gotta admit that he's also really nice, but I feel like that's just an act, how to get people to love him and girls to sleep with him. 

As I was walking to school, thinking about my schoolmates, I suddenly bumped into someone. „I'm sorry" I said quickly, eyes still on the ground. I was ready to walk around that person and continue walking to school but they grabbed my hand. I automatically flinched because it surprised me and raised my eyes from the ground to look at the person in front of me. I was expecting anyone but Tooru Oikawa to be standing in front of me, holding my hand. 

My eyes widened and I couldn't say a word. I was just staring at him, wating for him to say something. „You dropped this" he said with a smile on his face. I studied his face for a while and then looked into his other hand. He was holding my wallet that must have slipped from my pocket when I bumped into him. „Thank you" I said quickly and looked at him. „Are you new?" He asked with a confused expression. „What?" I asked, looking at him like he was crazy. „I asked if you are new here. I don't think I've ever seen you at our school" He tilted his head to the side and a small sigh escaped my mouth. „We literally have five classes together, Oikawa" I raised my eyebrow and kept looking at him. „Oh really? I've never noticed you. What's your name?" Of course you haven't noticed me, why would you? „Suga" ... „Suga? That's it?" I sighed and gave up „Koushi Sugawara but I prefer people calling me Suga" I responded and looked at my phone. It was already 7:30 and I was getting nervous. School starts in 15 minutes and if I don't leave right now, I'm going to be late. Oikawa noticed me anxiously staring at my phone and gasped. „Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was already this late. I can give you a ride if you want?" I was staring at him wide eyed. A ride? He wanted to give me a ride to school? „It's okay, I would rather walk" I got my hand out of his grasp and once again started walking towards our school. „Why?" I heard him ask so I turned my head and stopped for a second. „Because I don't want people to think that I'm one of your one night stands and I'm pretty sure you don't want that either" He looked at me with angry expression and I started regretting what I said but then his expression completely changed and he looked like a kicked puppy. „I know what rumours are going around the school but I really thought that you are smart enough not to believe everything you hear" For a second I seriously felt bad but than my mood changed and before I knew it, I said „It's hard to trust people when everyone who you ever trusted ended up making false promises and leaving you!" There was silence until I realised what I just shouted at him. My eyes widened and before I could see his confused expression, I started running towards school with hot tears streaming down my face.

That was the first time I spoke to Tooru Oikawa and I really hope it's also the last time. But even though I hate to admit it, there's something about him that just won't let me think straight. And also the rumour thing. If it wasn't true, then why would he act like it is in front of the whole school including his friends? I'm so confused right now and I hate it.

After about 10 minutes of running, I finally arrived at school. I was already exhausted and school hasn't even started yet. I stopped for a second and tried to calm my breathing. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. „I should probably start working out" I whispered to myself and took a deep breath before I finally entered the hell house. I had about 3 minutes to get to class so I speed walked to my locker and took all of my stuff for the first class of the day, math. What a great way to start a day. I sighed and closed my locker. After that I quickly walked to the classroom.

To my surprise there wasn't anybody in there besides the small ginger haired boy and his friend group. His name is Shoyo Hinata and even though I don't know anything about him, I can tell that he is the sunshine of their friend group. He's constantly smiling and fooling around with the rest of them. I didn't really care that much since I've always had my mom but there were times when I really wished that I had a friend group like that. If you need anything they would help you, If you're feeling lonely you can just go and hang out with them and you know, you don't have to experience the feeling of loneliness because your friends are here for you. It must be nice. 

I didn't even realise I was just standing in the front of the classroom until somebody snapped me out of my thoughts. I had to blink a few times to adjust to the light and then I looked in front of me. The small small ginger haired boy was standing there, waving one of his hands in front of my face. „Finally you're responding. Are you okay? You just spaced out." He asked and tilted his head to the side. Is that a thing that everybody besides me does or what? First Oikawa, now him. „Yeah, I'm fine." I answered quickly and tried to get past him to my desk, trying to get my stuff out of my backpack before the bell rings „You sure? You looked really deep in thoughts." He sat on the desk in front of mine and looked at me. „Yeah, I was just thinking about something, sorry." I answered, little bit annoyed. I don't mean to sound rude, but can't he just let it go? „Okay. Oh, by the way I wanted to ask you something. I've noticed that you haven't been in school for the past week. Were you sick?" I stopped taking my stuff out for a moment, startled by his question but quickly calmed down and carried on. „Yeah, I was sick." He hummed in response and finally got off of the desk. „Hmm... I asked the teacher, but she said that your mom didn't call the office, so she didn't know where were you. She also said that if you didn't show up this week, she would talk to the principal about calling the police to your house, so I guess you're really lucky you showed up, right." He laughed a little. „Anyways I gotta got now, see you around." He waved at me and without looking at me again went to his friend group, while I was just standing there, petrified.


End file.
